Singing to the Monkey At Bedtime

The Monkey has been giving us an interesting week. The other night I decided to start singing to her at night before she goes to bed. It turns out that I don't know any appropriate children’s songs. I grew up on NIN, Marilyn Manson, and GWAR. I think I could recite any of these albums. Especially the GWAR album with Sex Cow on it. I had a revelation the other night-the lyrics " I want to F*** You like an animal" and "Death Pod come from the sky" are not appropriate bedtime songs for children.

So I decided to try to sing some other songs. Turns out the only other music that I know most of the words to is some hard core gay ass adult contemporary. These songs are more appropriate for the little people-but not for adult men to sing. I even tried to struggle through the words to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

Some children’s songs are not good for bedtime. An example of this would be any song that involves the child’s interaction. I started to sing Old MacDonald Had A Farm. Her reaction to this song was amazing to watch. When I started The Itsy Bitsy Spider, she flipped over onto her back and started to make the spider with her hands. I knew that I was going to have to outsmart her with my gay ass adult contemporary. I never thought that I could use the music that puts adults to sleep, to put the Monkey to sleep.

I would like to thank Tracy Chapman and Tina Turner for helping put the Monkey to sleep. If it wasn’t for Tracy’s Fast Car and Tina’s Private Dancer. We could have been in for a long night. My next adventure will be into voice lessons. Since I am not a singer and I don’t want The Monkey thinking that I am one of the Walmart carolers.